I slowly sat on the side of the bed feeling a sharp pain in the back of my neck on the way up. Ow, ow. They said this was normal, but it didn`t feel like anything normal to me. I slowly stood, straight up and robot-like, since I couldn`t lean forward at all, and once again immediately felt the weight and compression in my neck. My head seemed to be slightly angled to the side and pushed back making it feel even more awkward. It was not easy to breathe and swallowing was difficult. Within seconds, I was filled with panic and despair. I felt trapped under the weight of the halo and imprisoned within the uncompromising rigidity of the vest. Claustrophobia anyone?
I wavered a little, trying to adjust to my new center of balance, and with the therapists` help, managed to walk down the hall and back while my friend C waited patiently in my room. I felt like some sort of scary, ugly, alien thing creeping down the hall, in my bare feet no less. People were staring. Despite being neutralized on Percocet, I was embarrassed. I do have some pride. And then there was C , all shiny and pretty, sitting in the corner ...with great hair, as always. Oh God. I don`t remember much else about that day, or even C`s visit. But I`m pretty sure I managed to flash her once or twice while trying to get up - sorry about that C. And I`m sorry you had to see me at my worst.
Thankfully, my feeling of despair was short-lived. I began to think more about what had happened to me, and how much worse it could have been. I began to see things in a different way. I began to feel lucky, despite it all.
I wavered a little, trying to adjust to my new center of balance, and with the therapists` help, managed to walk down the hall and back while my friend C waited patiently in my room. I felt like some sort of scary, ugly, alien thing creeping down the hall, in my bare feet no less. People were staring. Despite being neutralized on Percocet, I was embarrassed. I do have some pride. And then there was C , all shiny and pretty, sitting in the corner ...with great hair, as always. Oh God. I don`t remember much else about that day, or even C`s visit. But I`m pretty sure I managed to flash her once or twice while trying to get up - sorry about that C. And I`m sorry you had to see me at my worst.
Thankfully, my feeling of despair was short-lived. I began to think more about what had happened to me, and how much worse it could have been. I began to see things in a different way. I began to feel lucky, despite it all.
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